Tag: Self

Modernismo

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

I once had a dream.

I sprouted long beautiful wings.

I flapped them around in order to gain

The courage to spread them fully and

Fly myself away.

Finally, wind in my face

And happiness in my heart,

I began my journey to a new world.

But down on the cold ground

Tracking my movements

Reticle in place

A dark figure interceded.

I came tumbling down to earth

A searing pain in my left wing.

Unhurt save for one place,

Unable to run, unable to flee.

This dark figure, familiar,

Took its time cutting me down

Exactly to the shape it wants.

No more do I have my wings.

Left only with the memory

That I once had a dream.

written 8/9/2018

Gratitude

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

I Give thanks to the ones who came before

Sisters each and every

Denied their heart, their love

Not just in who they could

But in what they could give their soul.

For every sister who dreamt of walking among the stars,

I Give thanks.

For every sister who saw the beauty of molecules coming together,

I Give thanks.

For every sister who wanted more,

I Give thanks.

We who came after give thanks

For all you allowed us to be.

On your behalf, I promise to do my best

For all the sisters after me.

written – 2/13/2018

Defenseless Creature

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

But I am a very defenseless creature (because I was a very timid, lost, defenseless child).

— Rilke

Many years removed and yet

It is as though it was just yesterday.

The child may grow up, but

Locked deep inside a fortress

Hidden away from the world today

The child lives looking outward

Observing the life his other half lives.

Somedays, this other half,

Whether through rushed hurriedness,

Or a deep desire for masochism

Leaves the fortress, unlocked, unguarded.

The child freed from his prison

If only for a few days, has full reign.

The other half, no longer in control.

Once again is transported, stuck

In that old, familiar state.

Alone, in a world, he does not

Cannot understand. Scared

Of what it means to be

Lost, timid and afraid.

The other half is defenseless

To withstand the strength

Of the child’s emotions let loose

With all his might, he steps forth

To grab the child by the hand

And lead him back to the safety of the fortress.

All the while knowing, he’ll get loose once again.

written – 11/7/2017

Audrey II

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

Fear. My whole life is guided by it.

I pull and pull at the weeds

Trying to remove them from my life

But right when I think I’ve removed

The last impediment in my way forward.

A new, stronger weed grows right up

In its stead, whispering quiet words

In my ear…for more, more food

Asking for my most precious resource,

My dreams.

written – 12/14/2018

In search of hyacinth

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

A life spent

In search of hyacinth.

Little did I know,

It would bring such woe.

Growing

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

I know I have been stunted

Growing in this place

So far away from all that is bright

A darkness without light

A belt of wheat and God

Growing in this place

My life remained unclaimed

I only ever felt ashamed

written – July 15, 2018

That Phrase

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

I’ve always hated the phrase

Where do you see yourself

In a year, in five, in ten years?

To the people asking the question,

I don’t know is never acceptable.

The truth is never a correct response.

Because the truth is that

I cannot see myself today

Let alone tomorrow, or even a year from now.

To the people asking the question,

Only the appearance of an answer matters.

After the question is asked and answered,

They get to go on about their day, oblivious.

While I am still left with the question.

Written – 03/10/2017

I’ve had a guest in my house

by Kerry Van Dorn | akervand, posted in Original Work, Poetry

I’ve had a guest in my house.

An unwanted visitor in my life.

One who’s overstayed his welcome.

In the morning, I wake up; he is there.

At night, I go to sleep; he is there.

Some days he’s even so bold,

He puts on my clothes, does the things I do.

He goes about my life pretending to be me.

A facsimile approximating what I want to be.

No matter how much I beg,

How much I scream and I cry.

He flat out refuses to leave.

All I want is to be finally free.

written – 03/09/2017